After all this time it's all been worth it.



 

Thankyou Titanic, for giving me something to love that can't fade away. (Ie. "I'll never let you go, if you promise not to fade away" - Muse.. early twenties angst)

Why is melancholy so unavoidable? why? even when you do everything in in your power to avoid it!!

Words can't describe

 

.How much I need this dress... from Ruche, just out today, and desperately out of my reach. If there were a way I could get you here green dress, by about 5pm tomorrow I'd probably spend all my money to do it. Tomorrow night I'm going to see Titanic at the pictures, which I'm disproportionately excited about... on a kind-of-date, and I have to wear something perfect. This might sound shallow and silly and all that but the thing is I need this kind-of-date to go really, really well. Not just well but finally-realise-you're-the-one-for-me well. As I can't control anything the other thinks, I can only control my part of the evening, as in how I act, fell and present. Given that in other words I can't do bugger-all to determine the course of the thing, I am focusing on what I wear and pretending to myself that if I get this right, somehow the rest will work out perfectly. Please tell me I'm normal.

 

I would apologise for not posting anything recently... except of course I don't think I'm exactly letting anyone down.. when no one reads this blog, but that I really don't mind too much.

I got a huge amount of homework (nursing school is not for sissies!) done the last few days, and have some time now to do happier things, which to be honest I quite need right now. So the next few days there will be cooking, pottering, alot of fussy tidying up, reading, and doing those fussy little things I like (Ie. pasting pictures into my diary, scanning old photos, brewing tea)

The beautiful rain thursday evening...

Pretty pictures... cause I'm feeling down and wish I weren't.

I wish that everything today were a bit quieter, gentler and more loving. Last night my dad and I were driving back from the Holland festival (where all the cool kids go), and I wanted to get home so badly, I couldn't stand looking at the roads and street and suburbia in general.

But then I got home and to be honest it was a lot like lonesome.

I need to keep busier! listen to me, wanting things slow and quiet and then complaining that I'm not busy enough! Cut it out emily!